Yesterday, the United States Bowling Congress released new tournament rules related to equipment. This is our plea to Nate Bargatze and the Saturday Night Live producers, all of whom are ardent readers of this internet website and devoted followers of USBC rules, to use these new rules as the foundation for the next installment of Washington’s Dream.
For reference, here’s the first installment:
The second:
Now, with Saturday Night Live returning October 4, we await the inevitable third installment of this series in which George Washington explains why Chris Via and those of his stature can’t use slow oil-absorbing high-performance bowling balls in the U.S. Open and USBC Masters but can when trying out for the national team and then also while competing for the national team with and against many of the same people who are likewise banned from slow oil-absorbing high-performance bowling balls in the USBC-run events that count as PBA major titles broadcast on PBA television while children compete with certain bowling balls for certain games but upon advancing are required to hurl those then-legal-now-illegal slow oil-absorbing high-performance bowling balls into the garbage before competing in more games against the same kids.
We at The One Board, bowling’s preeminent appreciator of absurdity, hope this all works out for the best. But, as George Washington will say: nobody knows.